In Bolivia

So I'm in La paz, Bolivia.
I arrived on Feb 7th, and now it's Feb 26th.
It's been almost 3 weeks since I've left America and I'm already ready to go back.
So much time here....I'm not leaving till April 16th...
I don't know what I was thinking booking this much time here.
I mean really...why am i here? Other than to see my grandma who is going to leave her body soon and family.
There are some beautiful things to see here...but it's like....why? I mean at the most I can take some pictures of some nice places/experiences and than what....

I really don't have the taste for these things like I used to have anymore.
It's like all I want to do is do things that are productive, that are A.) helping me advance spiritually and/or B.) Helping others/nature

Pretty much Krishna Consciousness has given me this taste I was looking for. This relief...
And now everything else I put in my mouth (excuse my french) tastes like crap. lol...

THe first day I came here I was offered/pressured to eat meat, smoke, drink. Everything but have sex and gamble lol. It was interesting, but my family is finally starting to understand that I wont eat meat, wont be lenient on that or drugs/alcohol etc.

Honestly I'm kind of depressed here. I feel lonely and uninspired even morose than any time I was at home. My family is busy working during the week, and weekdays I am pretty much alone.
"Well why don't you use that time too chant, read, practice your music?"
That is something I have been asking myself. This would be a perfect time to utilize and practice these things. But the truth is I just feel so uninspired and down I don't even feel inclination to do these things.
I want to do these things but I just feel so much blockage.
My chanting got really bad here. I literally have to force myself, now that I have my own room to stay in I am going to set an alarm and do it early. It's very difficult during the day.

The truth is  you are who you hang out with. One family member I hang out with here Is well, very opposite of me in certain ways. And coming here and being around , and only around people who are not Kc really helps me see the complete and utter difference. I went from being completely surrounded by devotee's, people who are Kc to months later (now) being surrounded by people who are pretty much completely not Kc. And it's amazing seeing , hearing where peoples consciousness is at.
One family member (for privacy reasons not going to name names) was talking about their boyfriend constantly, who is actually a good person which is great. But that was mostly what they kept bringing up and talking about. Boyfriend, beer, ciggerettes, ex's, and some other things. But those were some of the main things. If their not Kc than their consciousness is somewhere else.

Our minds /hearts have to focus on something. That's the way we are.
If it's not in love than it's on drugs, if it's not on drugs than it's movies if not that than partying or on their job , whatever! Or all of those!
Everyone's consciousness is focused on something. If I have to have it focused on something I rather it be something that actually matters and can help me advance spiritually.
Something that actually is permanent, eternal rather than temporary and subject to change.

I feel crazy sometimes. I am going to Govindas to find some devotee's now that I know where it's at.
I just feel like a part of me is sufocating, I need devotee association.

Sometimes

Sometimes I feel like running away from it all.
But when I really think about it, where can we really run too?
We are in a prison wherever we go, in whichever direction we turn to.
Eventually we will hit the prison walls.