From the heart

It's raining In New Vrindaban, West Virginia right now. I could see the storm clouds coming in. It's only 11:33 am in the morning and it looks like 8 pm in the day. Still, it's so peaceful hearing the rain fall while I type at the desk here in my room.

There's something beautiful about rainy days, and sometimes it's very reflecting as well.

Ahh...what a rare opportunity to just sit down and reflect. Typically I would be doing service right now but Malati is giving us a break since we had such a long drive yesterday.

I'm still going to see if they need help though to make sure after I clean up here a bit.

I've been posting a lot of what's happened here and there but really haven't had a chance to post something really deep/heart felt yet. Well, I mean there are pieces of it here and there but I just haven't got a chance to write spiritually whats going on inside, rather than just outside.

I am taking this whole trip seriously and know this isn't just a whole funtastic trip full of adventure and wonder. The main reason I'm still here, is because of God. Yea, traveling's fun, meeting new people is great but that's not what keeps me here. I really desire to develop a deep relationship with God and greater love than I have even now. A more selfless love. In other words too become a less selfish, self centered person and in that love of God share the unconditional love with others.

The more I've stayed here the more I've realized how selfish and self consumed I am, how "fallen" (as I've heard many say in Krishna consciousness say) and how conditioned I am.

It's frustrating, the more I am here the more flawed I find I am (and though it sucks) that's a key when you know a cleansing process is working. It's just like with the body similarly. If you go through a body cleansing process do you notice how you get sick first before you get better? The body is detoxifying and that's what this trip is for me, a spiritual detoxifier. Oh yes, there is some relief, but there is also some yuckyness apart of the mix too.

We can't better ourselves if we only see the good things about ourselves.

We have to be able to see all that ugliness to and face it.

Look at that ugliness in the mirror and accept it, understand it's there and work through it.

Thank God for the training I have gotten from the temple in San Antonio, and help from the Devotee's from San Antonio, but from Dallas too (shout out to Lavanga and her husband, my spiritual parents <3 in Kc that have helped support my existence in this movement as well). Both of which this trip would have been WAY more difficult to deal with and understand. Advaita das is a great teacher and I owe a lot of this knowledge and experience to him. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be here hands down.

I would have ran out the door assuming all these people were mad half way in this trip, lol.

Also every single warning he has ever given me, advice to have while I am here and even just advice while being at different temples has been used and utilized. Not even joking. I have met so many different types of people here and run into so many situations already that before would have really been a challenge for me but now are way easier to handle and understand.

Thank you Advaita Prahbu!! May Krishna bless the San Antonio temple and you for your great service!

Brady prahbu as well, who has so a lot of endurance and is serving so nicely there, and Brian for telling me about the temple, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have even walked through the temple doors.

I make sure to tell good things about Advaita and the San Antonio temple/preaching center w/e wherever I go (at the diff Ratha Yatra festivals too) and give credit. Though not many people here know there was such a center in San Antonio, lol. 

It's ok, I still put in a good word anyways and spread the word.

I wish I had some dvd's to sell for the temple! I know I could have sold quite a few already.

So yes, Krishna really helped prepare me to come here and experience this, if I didn't have all those experiences In Dallas and San Antonio I would have been way overwhelmed here and wouldn't have handled it correctly or understood everything as well as I do coming now.

Being here and staying at a community like this takes discerning. People are people but Krishna is Krishna. That's is something to remember. 

I hope when I get home too make a complete revamping off my life.

In terms of what I eat, how I live. It's so nice to just have few things to worry about, it is true. The more stuff you have the more anxiety you have over taking care of it, keeping it, protecting it (that can go under the animalistic tendency to defend). I'm a lot healthier after being here too, I don't have low Iron anymore (if you pull your eye lid down and its red that's good, pink or white is low Iron in your body.) and my body is regulating more since I'm going on a more regular sleeping schedule and eating schedule. I didn't realize how important it is for us to eat every day at the regular times, it really helps your body regulate better.

I may write some later. Right now I'm going to rest a bit than see if they need any help.

Feeling a bit feverish at the moment, probably just need to drink more water.

~<3 HK